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A Little Off the Beaten Path…Where Does the Time Go?

January 10, 2014

I look in the mirror and don’t recognize myself.   I feel like I’m a kid trapped in an aging lady’s body!  I look at my children and wonder how they have grown up so fast. Was I cryogenically frozen and just don’t know it?  I mean seriously!!!

 

Life is a fleeting muse that you will never catch, not even for a moment, for in a moment, the moment is gone.  Coincidentally (as my life seems to go) I was just dragged away from this blog, to watch the Old Spice Mom commercial by my 14 year old man child.  I hope I’m not a creepy stalker mom like those moms are though.  The mom slithering from beneath the couch cushion was over the top… slithery!!  Ick!

As my title implies, I’m taking a step off the beaten path in order to deal with a situation I both look forward to and don’t.  Why do I still feel like the 17 year old gLeek that graduated from high school TWENTY YEARS ago?!  Ah, yes, now you see the dilemma and the time-continuum issues at hand.  I mean…if I am still the same over-exitable, singing dorkfish with real gills… Okay, I’m exaggerating a little, I don’t sing…

Really though, I still feel the same inside. I still have the same happy-go-blessed personality. I am still way into the arts and outerspace…well, at least that’s what I’ve been told by too many people to count.  And I’m still ultra-sensitive.  Oh and I still have a laugh like a goat, or a hyena, depending on who you ask.  I’ve been informed of this by adults, mind you.  One went as far as to say my laugh would haunt his dreams for the remainder of his life…and this is while we were on a mission trip together.  Gotta love the compliments!!

People can be mean.  And when I was going through my list of facebook friends in search of alumni to invite to our official high school reunion facebook page, I realized that a lot of my friends either graduated before or after me, and some of my classmates weren’t that kind.  A few peers have blocked me.  I offended them without even knowing it…okay well I know how I offended one, but I’ll just say I wasn’t alone and I still stand on what was said.  I will divulge no further details than that!

I did not make it to my 10th nor apparently the 15th year reunions.  I didn’t even know there was a 15th.  I wasn’t popular.  I wanted to be appreciated, I tried to make people laugh and smile all the time, but I think all I have ever been to some is annoying.  I wrote our Senior Song.  We announced the meeting for a discussion and vote on songs over the loudspeaker during the morning announcements for half a week.  Very few classmates showed up.  You have seen Glee, haven’t you?  Choir kids never have ranked high on the popularity poll.

It was between me and the Indigo Girls, which coincidentally, I have been compared to several times since then.  I don’t remember the official count, I just remember I won. As a budding songwriter, it was a nice confirmation of my talents, even if I only got 6 or 7 out of 10 votes, it was a small turn out, I don’t remember how many showed up or voted though.  I can hardly remember some of my high school friends’ last names, for goodness sakes.

Anyhow, there was a big debacle over my song being chosen.  But fair was fair and the announcements had gone out and the senior choir members, myself included, of course, presented our Senior Song at Graduation.  I can still recite it, I practiced it so many times for our big day.  My church choir director had written an awesome accompaniment to suit our song, and it was truly the highlight of my life up to that point.  Even though some students made their displeasures known.  I tried to brush it off, I was done with them anyways!  I was outta that town and on to greener pastures, or so I’d imagined.

I really hope some people I truly consider friends will be there, because most of the people who didn’t like me then, still don’t like me now, and I still don’t know why.  And as insane as I sound right now and I know I sound insane, which clinically makes me sane, right?!  I have spent my entire life being nice and you know what they say about that?  Being nice will get you nowhere.  Nice people make good door mats…etc. etc. etc.  It’s basically true. But I digress.  Maybe I’m wrong.  Maybe they like me okay enough…or maybe they don’t like me, but don’t quite know why they don’t like me.  And why do I care so darned much anyways?!

Luckily, or may I say blessedly, I know Jesus and I know His promises and His warnings.  Maybe they hate me because of Him.  He said they would.  I know some say He’s a silly myth.  Some say they know Him, but don’t act like they know Him.  I know that not everyone can like everyone.  I don’t like people who are ugly in spirit, towards me, or anyone else.  I don’t like people who are arrogant and too inwardly focused and self-serving to see how hurtful they are to those around them.  If I haven’t changed in all these years, I’ll be willing to bet they haven’t either.  Excuse my cynicism.  I’m just being frank, erm, I mean Stacie.

I know the ones I adore are still just as adorable as they have always been.  The ones I’ve admired are just as if not more so admirable as they always have been.  And then I guess those I’ve found deplorable could possibly be just as if not slightly less deplorable than I found them back then…but I usually found them deplorable for treating me or moreover, someone else, poorly.

And even the deplorable ones, well, I find that I love them too.  They are a part of me, a part of what makes me Stacie.  They challenged me, they pressed on my heart, they made me cry, though they know not.  They taught me about my tender heart.  But I know my tender heart is a result of accepting Christ as my Savior, whole-heartedly, at an early age, and it is Christ through me, the Holy Spirit, who grieves over these people who have no other real relevance in my life.

So what if they like me or not…and has facebook not taken the mystery out of a high school reunion?  I am not complaining.  I’ve enjoyed catching up and continuing, on some level, these various friendships in all their various forms.  And as I mentioned in the beginning of this rant-blog, there is a part of me that has been looking forward to this reunion.  I was hard to find for the other reunions, and I am not going to tell you that wasn’t my plan all along.  But through seeing these familiars again through facebook, I pine to recall my younger days with the very friends and foes I spent them with.

I just can’t believe that it has already been 20 years.  So many memories are still fresh on my mind.  I can feel the chilly classrooms, hear the teachers scolding the class clowns and I can feel the freedom whip through my hair, windows down, pedal to the metal down the back roads of our quaint, and untarnished (at the time) little town.

I was an outsider, moving there my 8th grade year, and by the time I graduated, I can definitely say, I felt like a part of my alma mater.  And now so many of us are in various stages of raising our own school-aged kids, some including high schoolers and graduates, and I know I’m not alone when I find myself scratching my head in the middle of the night wondering how I got to this side of that coin!   I look forward to hugs and laughs and memories relived, and as for the rest, I just hope I’m wrong.  Wouldn’t be the first time.

Old-School Chums

Some of us are rounder, some are leaner, some are nicer, some are meaner. 
Some are balding, some are daring, some are private, and some are sharing.
We are all getting older, some milder, some bolder.
Soldiers, teachers, builders, preachers, fathers, mothers, sisters, brothers. 
Friends by choice, bonded in time, that is enough of this silly little rhyme.-SAB

Separate Ways (Class of ’94 Senior Song)

(chorus)

Keep your head high, please, don’t you cry

We’re not really saying goodbye

We are only going our separate ways

The times that we shared, times we were scared

And all of the times you were there

In our heart’s we’ll be together as friends

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