Closest To Thee

Through out my life, now 39 years in, I have had a waxing/waning relationship with God.  Where during my happiest times, I would praise Him with exuberance, and at my lowest points, I would cling to Him, as one clings to the side of a cliff after slipping off the side of a mountain trail.

But during the average days, the everyday-days, I would wander further away and set my mind to worrying about a bevy of everyday matters, from whether my kids would turn out alright, to whether the bills could all be paid.  I might pray about those things, but I never really completely let my burdens go into His hands.

During the last two years, years 37 and 38, to be precise, I found myself going back to my roots, through living next door to my parents, out in the country, while raising farm animals and prepping and tending spring and fall gardens.  I was suddenly able to spend more time with God, than ever before.  The only sounds, while the boys were in school, was the sweet rhapsody of birds’ songs, accented by an occasional crow of approval from a rooster, and those yard bird tackles that are just downright awkward.  No constant sounds of traffic and sirens and people, many times it would just be me and God.

While watching and learning about the season’s cycles that are so magnified on a farm, and facing the specific responsibilities that escort each season, I fell even more in love with God’s perfect designs.  I was awash in His majesty, oh the colors, oh the beauty of the Earth!  His handwork is in every leaf, every feather, every breeze, and I just couldn’t ever get enough of our alone time together and there was plenty of robbers trying to disturb the peaceful place that I had finally truly found, in The Garden.

I have written about The Garden, after having sung an old Christian standard, of the same name, so many times through out the years, that it not only became one of my favorite hymns, but a real, tangible place. Not the garden I worked so hard to help keep up, but tangible, none the less.  I began getting glimpses of The Garden at first, and then I realized, that it was already inside of me; I just had to learn to access it.

Some of you may be thinking, okay, this is beginning to sound “New Agey”.  Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior, Alone.  I trust no man as I trust my Lord, and I do not bow to any other god, nor give any creedence to them as anything other than a demon in disguise and tool of Satan.

“If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, ‘Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water” (John 7:37-38)

The above bible verses say that each believer has a river of living water flowing from our hearts.  This Living Water that flows out of us and into the life of others, when we allow Jesus to use us for His Kingdom building, is the very water that keeps all the fruit trees and flowers growing beautifully, blooming year round, each in their season, WITHIN US, in God’s Garden!  This Living Water nourishes our spiritual fruits, but also is right there to soothe us and give us peace, comfort and love, when troubled, hurt or afraid…

God never wants us to be afraid.  He wants us to completely understand the limitless blessings in the beautiful fact that we are never alone.  He is not only with us, but He goes before us and is also behind us, to catch us, if we fall!  Nothing can top God and His Goodness.  NOTHING!

Because I became so tapped in to creation, through working the land and caring for the animals, I at times felt like I was literally swimming in the Living Waters, the Communion was so delightful, that I was often found sweating buckets, and in severe pain, and completely distraught and stressed due to familial issues, and yet, spiritually, happy as a lark, singing praises to my King.  How could I not.

Just a sampling of the colorful array of flowers we enjoyed at our old place.

I oft found myself engaging butterflies and birds. I love the wing-ed creatures who fly closer to Heaven than I.

Then a storm began to brew.  Because of my extremely close proximity to God, and all of our recent rich interactions, it just solidified even further that if I were to just hold on to Him, and continue to trust in Him, then I would make it through the coming storm systems…even if He had to carry me through.

When the metaphorical storms finally blew through, there were inevidable things I had to work through such as shock, hurt, anger, and sheer exhaustion.  There was no surrender and no looking back, just clawing forward, and suddenly looking into pitch black space, with only a pinhole of light in the center…a blank chalk board with only a speck of dust, which was our future.

God was way ahead of me.  He knew how everything would go and He made my path smooth to get to a place where I could begin to breathe again.  And dream again.  And have a bit more of a life of my own to live again.  And the kids are alright.  We have been given, by Our Amazing Father, a place far beyond any home we had ever lived in before.  It is temporary, as per the present agreement, but it is like God wrapped His arms around us all and said, “It’s going to be alright.  Rest, breathe, love, and repeat.”

Here I am, one major hurricane after another after another, better off for wear.  I learned so much as did my kids,  during the past two rather trying years, though in the end, they sadly, had to learn the hard way…and I got to go along for the ride…weeeee! 😒

We are raising our rabbits and chickens, enjoying the meat procured from the pigs we helped raise, and the harvest from the over 1000 vegetable and fruit plants I put in the ground this spring.  Emotional fences are being slowly mended and I am working on my newest dream.

God made me a gypsy, and no matter where I roam, I will always consider The Garden my home, sweet home.

Even during the anger, I could, more easily than ever before, go grab more peace from the Garden, because this new place is so Heavenly and my heart is full of praise and gratitude. a

And when I focus on His goodness, all the madness and the badness and all the plain mess just vanishes and it is just He and I, in the Garden, taking in the Splendor of the King.

Home is where the heart is

And even when my future, but for a moment may look like a black hole, I can see The Light showing me His Way is the safe way, so I will just keep on following Him.

And if I find myself in dire straits or in harms way, I will try and remember even then, the Garden awaits, and I pray now I am capable of retreating there even then.  And I pray the same for you.  Persecution is coming, we cannot deny it, but we can rise up on Eagle’s wings and rise above it.  As a dear friend reminded me yesterday, snakes can’t fly.

We are seeing changes rapidly in this world, but I hold onto the promises where master and slave trade places and all wrongs are made right and every knee bows and every tongue confesses that Jesus Christ is Lord!  Lap up the Living Waters, Eat the Word of God, and TALK WITH HIM ALL the time.  The more time you spend with Him, the less time you are spending worrying or being hurt or angry, or depressed, sick, etc.

There is a nice meme going around about how the words “Do not fear” are repeated in the Old and New Testaments exactly 365 times.

I will leave you with that profound actuality.

MUCH LOVE & Vaya con Dios

I just want to make God smile. 💛